Growing up I always dreamed of becoming a mom. That is the one thing I always wanted to do. My mom was a stay at home mom and I absolutely loved it. I thought it was the highest calling and I couldn’t wait for the day to come when I had children of my own.
Well now that I’m a mom, I’m not always loving it as much as I thought I would. Ah, I can’t believe I actually just typed that. Am I allowed to say that? Is it bad if I don’t love it all the time? Whenever these thoughts pop into my head, I feel terrible. I should appreciate motherhood. Everyone always says the days seem long, but the years go by so quickly. So I need to appreciate every second of it or I’m somehow missing out. But let’s be honest, is that even possible? To appreciate every second? Then comes the mom guilt. I should be more engaged with my kids, I should be teaching them more, I should be ____ (fill in the blank).
Gosh I don’t want to complain. I do appreciate my kids. I love them. I’m so blessed to be a mother. But I honestly didn’t realize how much of me it would take. How all consuming motherhood really is. The selflessness that is required. I recently saw a meme on Facebook and it said “24/7: Once you sign on to be a mother, that’s the only shift they offer.” Wow, isn’t that the truth! I’m tired. I sometimes feel I lost my identity. I think, does anyone actually want to get to know me? The creative, dramatic, smiley me? Or do they just want me to give them food, pick up after them and entertain them?
Today I started feeling sorry for myself and I complained to God. “I’m tired of feeling overworked and under appreciated. It seems people just want to take, take, take.” Then I heard God say “Ahem.” God created us in His image. To me this means many of the emotions and desires we have are similar to Gods, for we are like Him. In this moment He said to me “I know exactly how you feel.” I was given a reality check in motherhood.
So often we complain to God and we ask for help without acknowledging all He does for us. As a stay at home mom I just want to hear a “thank you.” A purposeful, thoughtful one, not just one given to me from under my toddler’s breath. God wants the same. He wants us to thank Him, get to know Him, take time to just sit and hear what He has to say. Doesn’t it feel good when someone listens to you? When someone validates your feelings and takes time to understand who you really are at the core. God wants the same.
The funny thing is, when we sit and really get to know Him our entire attitude changes. We no longer feel sorry for ourselves and we have a renewed strength. I want to encourage you today (and really encourage myself) to take time to get to know God your Father. It’s the best friendship you will ever have and His love is unconditional. So even when you mess up or fall short He still loves you. Nothing you can do will make Him love you more than He does right now. That’s so hard to comprehend because human love is so conditional. Lean on Him, cry out to Him and He will listen. He wants to get to know you and wants you to get to know Him. My relationship with God is a treasure and when the shaking comes (which it always will) I know my rock, Jesus, cannot be shaken.
How do you deal with the ups and downs of motherhood?
Psalm 63: 1-5 (NLT)
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.
3 Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.