A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

“Hurt people, hurt people.” Have you ever heard this?

When we were first married my husband was in medical school. I knew doctors had busy schedules, but I don’t think I was quite prepared for what was to come. I had a difficult time adjusting to his unpredictable schedule. Most mornings he would say something like “My shift is over at 6 PM today, I’ll see you then!” So as a new wife I’d plan dinner around his schedule. I felt joy in cooking him a meal and having it be hot and ready around 6 o’clock.

The only problem, I wouldn’t hear from my husband all day. It was now 6:30 and no word.

Where was he?

Why wasn’t he answering my texts?

He said he would be home!

Two hours later, I would hear from him and he would text something like “I’m leaving the hospital in 20 minutes.” By the time he got home I was no longer the joyful wife. I was frustrated because my expectations weren’t met. I was disappointed he “missed” dinner with me. 

Instead of having a gentle spirit I was often distant or edgy. Probably saying something like “Why didn’t you text me that you would be late!?” Slowly I realized this was getting us nowhere. I was disappointed by his work situation and the fact that he didn’t text me. You could say I was hurt. Instead of putting aside my selfish desires, I tried to hurt him back. I didn’t realize I was actually doing this until God showed me.

It wasn’t intentional. I wasn’t purposefully trying to start an argument, but I was hurt and I wanted him to know. Let’s just say my spirit wasn’t quiet and gentle. It was more like the spirit of the quarrelsome wife (Proverbs 21:9, 21:19, 25:24, 27:15).

We read in 1 Peter chapter 3 about our duty as wives:

1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear…. 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. (NKJV)

Though many people focus on the submission command in these verses I want to focus on the action of the wife. Do you believe a strong women of God can have a gentle and quiet spirit? At first the two don’t seem to go together. How can I be more than a conqueror while embracing the incorruptible beauty of a quiet spirit?  

Embracing a Gentle and Quiet Spirit

There is so much wisdom in this chapter of 1 Peter. How different would our evening have been if I welcomed my husband with a forgiving and understanding heart? It changes everything! Instead of worrying about how my husband wronged me, I could enjoy his fellowship. We could commune together. 

When I have a gentle and quiet spirit it doesn’t mean I am powerless. I love this definition of meekness: power under control. I have influence, authority and power (from God of course), but it is under control. When I embrace God’s role for me as a wife, I don’t abuse my power. Instead I lift my husband higher.

So what about you? How do you maintain a gentle and quiet spirit even when you are hurt? How can your actions impact your husband’s walk with Christ? I love hearing from other wives and mothers so please stop by and introduce yourself!

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