A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

“Hurt people, hurt people.” Have you ever heard this?

When we were first married my husband was in medical school. I knew doctors had busy schedules, but I don’t think I was quite prepared for what was to come. I had a difficult time adjusting to his unpredictable schedule. Most mornings he would say something like “My shift is over at 6 PM today, I’ll see you then!” So as a new wife I’d plan dinner around his schedule. I felt joy in cooking him a meal and having it be hot and ready around 6 o’clock.

The only problem, I wouldn’t hear from my husband all day. It was now 6:30 and no word.

Where was he?

Why wasn’t he answering my texts?

He said he would be home!

Two hours later, I would hear from him and he would text something like “I’m leaving the hospital in 20 minutes.” By the time he got home I was no longer the joyful wife. I was frustrated because my expectations weren’t met. I was disappointed he “missed” dinner with me. 

Instead of having a gentle spirit I was often distant or edgy. Probably saying something like “Why didn’t you text me that you would be late!?” Slowly I realized this was getting us nowhere. I was disappointed by his work situation and the fact that he didn’t text me. You could say I was hurt. Instead of putting aside my selfish desires, I tried to hurt him back. I didn’t realize I was actually doing this until God showed me.

How can I still be a strong women while embracing the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit? In this post, I sharing my thoughts as a Christian wife.

It wasn’t intentional. I wasn’t purposefully trying to start an argument, but I was hurt and I wanted him to know. Let’s just say my spirit wasn’t quiet and gentle. It was more like the spirit of the quarrelsome wife (Proverbs 21:9, 21:19, 25:24, 27:15).

We read in 1 Peter chapter 3 about our duty as wives:

1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear…. rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. (NKJV)

Though many people focus on the submission command in these verses I want to focus on the action of the wife. Do you believe a strong women of God can have a gentle and quiet spirit? At first the two don’t seem to go together. How can I be more than a conqueror while embracing the incorruptible beauty of a quiet spirit?  

How can I still be a strong women while embracing the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit? In this post, I sharing my thoughts as a Christian wife.

Embracing a Gentle and Quiet Spirit

There is so much wisdom in this chapter of 1 Peter. How different would our evening have been if I welcomed my husband with a forgiving and understanding heart? It changes everything! Instead of worrying about how my husband wronged me, I could enjoy his fellowship. We could commune together. 

When I have a gentle and quiet spirit it doesn’t mean I am powerless. I love this definition of meekness: power under control. I have influence, authority and power (from God of course), but it is under control. When I embrace God’s role for me as a wife, I don’t abuse my power. Instead I lift my husband higher.

So what about you? How do you maintain a gentle and quiet spirit even when you are hurt? How can your actions impact your husband’s walk with Christ? I love hearing from other wives and mothers so please stop by and introduce yourself!

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  1. EXPECTATIONS! If we could only let go of our expectations, how much more peace, joy, calm and love would we experience! There is however a place for expectations…..having a confident expectation of GOOD from the hands of God!! Our hope should not be in our husbands, our friends, our own strength, etc…. When our HOPE and TRUST is in JESUS we will not be disappointed!!!

  2. With loving-kindness have I drawn thee. With this mentality it has helped me see only with loving-kindness can someone be drawn. Amen.

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