A Wise Woman Builds Her Home: How to Create a Peaceful Home

Last year, I shared this quote on my Instagram: “I want our home to be a refuge from the craziness of this broken world.” And the response was overwhelming. Thousands of moms agreed they wanted to build their homes with intention.

Moms wanted to explore Proverbs 14:1 (NKJV)

The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.

What does it mean exactly to build a home that our kids are happy to come home to? We all strive to find a place of security in this crazy world. And it’s more than creating a styled living room. We want tangible peace in our homes. We want to be like the wise woman who builds her house.

A comforting sanctuary. A cozy haven. How exactly do we create homes filled with delightful laughter? How do we cultivate a home filled with all of these things?

That’s what we’re going to explore today.

In today’s culture, fast is good, and slow is bad. Rushing around every day is the norm. Moms laugh off the stress and often say, “Doesn’t everyone feel this way?” While it’s true that motherhood is stressful, is that what we’re settling for? Chaotic homes and overbooked schedules?  If we aren’t careful, we can get sucked into this overwhelm and watch our peace fly out the front door.

So what can we do to make sure our kids, our family and even people who visit our home feel refreshed when they enter the space?

First, we need to take a thought inventory.

You may be wondering, What does our thought life have to do with making our homes a haven? Our thoughts set the atmosphere of our homes. Our thoughts become our words, and our words become our actions. If we want to change the heart of our homes, we need to pay attention to our thoughts. 

When I had my first child, the emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion surprised me! Caring for a child 24 hours a day, seven days a week is hard. But does focusing on this fact improve my exhaustion? 

I’m not saying to deny reality; motherhood is hard. But it’s more than that. God entrusted these precious gifts into our hands. Psalm 127:3 says that “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. (NLT)”

Children are a gift and a reward. Does that Psalm line up with our daily thoughts on motherhood? Do we view our children as a treasured reward from our Heavenly Father? 

How do we see our homes? Are we focused on seeing our homes as the mission fields? As a space where we can share the love God has so freely given to us with others? Or do we focus on the demands that come with raising children? 

I’ll be honest: Last week, the demands got the best of me. I walked into the playroom and saw toys spread across the floor. I found multiple markers without lids. “Really? Why can’t you just put the lid back on?” I huffed under my breathe. 

As I moved to the next room, I complained about doing “Everything for everyone.” The little things were getting to me. Critical thoughts started impacting my peace. Then, I started snapping at my children and husband. 

Patience no longer existed in my heart, and I started criticizing everything. Soon, our house didn’t feel so peaceful anymore. 

Has this ever happened to you? When we persistently think negative thoughts, they spill over into our actions, creating a hostile home environment. 

Peace cannot coexist with contention. 

The Second Step is to Shift Our Thoughts.

What would happen if on a daily basis we woke up and thought:

• “What a privilege this is to raise the next generation.”
• “How wonderful is it to be the keeper of my home and share love in this space?” 
• “What a gift motherhood is!”

We’ll see a shift. When we focus on love, our worries, fears, and anxieties fade. Peace begins to flood our homes again. 

I wish I could sit across from you at a coffee shop. You’d see my foundation for you is love. I find it interesting the Bible doesn’t talk about men creating the atmosphere of the home…

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.

Proverbs 25:24 NLT

We also read in Proverbs 31: 25-26:

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.

Which woman do you want to be? The quarrelsome wife? Or like the wise woman who builds her home?

As women, we have the beautiful privilege of influencing our homes’ atmosphere. What a blessing to have the ability to create a soothing sanctuary. Peaceful homes that are havens from the harsh world.

As a school psychologist I learned, our thoughts impact our words and actions. If you want to change your attitude, change your thoughts.

This may seem impossible. But I’m going to encourage you to take a few steps each day to measure your thought life.

Remember to take an inventory of your thoughts.

You may not even realize what you are thinking on a daily basis. What can you change? What small step can you take to reverse the negative thoughts?

Ask God to help you renew your mind. Ask him to reveal to you the negative things you are meditating on.  It may not be a straight path to getting there and that’s okay.

Of course there will be hard days. Days when it feels like everything that can go wrong does. Days when we feel anxious or unmotivated. Is it okay to feel these things? YES.

But let’s not stay there.

What does “a wise woman builds her home” mean to you? Comment right now and share with us how you make your home a refuge for your family and others!

P.S. The last part of my book Unshakable Kids gives specific examples on how to create homes filled with joyful noise and how to create rhythms of rest for your family. Read the first chapter of Unshakable Kids for free here.